


nightmares

by sleqnir



Category: Tokyo Ghoul
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Cannibalism, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, M/M, Mild Gore, mentions of trauma and torture, umm it’s kinda sad but has a happyish ending?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-26
Updated: 2019-01-26
Packaged: 2019-10-16 10:44:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 740
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17548187
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sleqnir/pseuds/sleqnir
Summary: Kaneki’s always had nightmares, even since he was little.





	nightmares

**Author's Note:**

> y’all ever gay lol?

Kaneki’s always had nightmares, even since he was little. Sometimes he’d wake up in a cold sweat, seven years old, his father’s ghost appearing when he closes his eyes. Like an imprinted image on the back of his eyelids, left there by the nightmare. Sometimes he’d dream of mother, and her cold hands, and his aunt’s amused stare. Kaneki dreamt of being alone in crowded places, overwhelmed by the mass of people, heart and chest swelling with anxiety. His voice wouldn’t work, and he wasn’t able to call out for help: for mom, for dad, for Hide. He’d just be consumed by the crowd.

 

Kaneki’s nightmares were less frequent by the time he started college. He no longer dreamt of dead eyes or talons around his throat. He started to dream about happier things. Her long, soft hair, and the rims of her glasses, and the lace of her dress. His warm hands and contagious laughter. The sweet smell of pastries and the feeling of sun through the window.

 

But things change. Nothing good lasts forever.

 

Kaneki didn’t sleep much after that. And when he did sleep, he didn’t dream at all. His nights were cold and empty and emotionless. Sometimes that’s worse than having nightmares. For a long time, Kaneki wished that he could at least dream something, even if it was a nightmare. To feel something, anything; to feel human. 

 

It only got worse. Just when he had thought that he had rid himself of her, she was back, but she was not alone. Kaneki dreamt of being in the chair. Toes, broken bones. The snapping, echoing, overwhelming sound of pliers. The blood dripping to the floor, the stench of rotting meat and flesh, of  _ his own  _ flesh. Chattering teeth, wriggling legs. Metal cutting into his wrists, ripped tendons, the sounds of a woman dying in front of him. The sharp ringing in his ears with the overwhelming choice. He heard her echoing voice, clear as day, her lips against his ear. 

 

It was eat or be eaten.

 

It was rotting fish, it was the tiled floor smeared with blood, it was a countdown that never reached zero. It was a ringing in his ears. Staring death in the face and wishing it would come, wishing it would eat him alive, because he was  _ weak  _ and it was  _ better to be hurt than to be the one hurting others _ . Her voice, taunting him, laughing coldly. Feeling the disease spread to every vein, his left eye aching, throbbing, his vision going red, the chitter of the bug, his stomach boiling, his throat burning, dead blood filling his mouth, the feeling of fibers in muscle ripping as he pulled, the chewy, soft bits deteriorating with saliva, the endless chew and swallow, the eat or be eaten, the strong and the weak, the ringing in his ears, his mother’s cold hands around his throat, his father’s ghostly eyes, his aunt’s amused stare, the crack of bones, the snap of the pliers, the blood smeared on the tile, the countdown that never reached zero, her taunting voice, the overwhelming feeling of being dead and alive at the same time, a centipede crawling into his ear, the pop of a knuckle, a rotten fish taste, his throbbing eye, his throbbing eye,  _ his throbbing eye, his throbbing eye, his— _

 

“Hey, Ken, wake up.” Hide rubs Kaneki’s shoulder, shaking him lightly. His voice is rasped. Weak, not what it used to be. Kaneki hasn’t heard that loud, boisterous laugh in years. He won’t ever hear it again.

 

“Relax.” Hide says. “It’s okay, I’m here.”

 

Kaneki stares up, watches the ceiling fan rotate and listens to the hum of it. He looks over at Hide, taking in his appearance. His hair is growing long again, his roots are growing out. The scar across his mouth and throat is like a hole that burns into Kaneki’s chest. Every time he looks at it, he hears her voice.

 

“Shhh..” Hide holds Kaneki’s face in his hands. He rubs their lips together and Kaneki shudders as he feels the scar tissue against his mouth. “Listen, it’s okay. I’m here, okay? What did I tell you? I said I’d never leave you again, and man, I  _ meant it _ . So relax a little, yeah?”

 

Kaneki lets out a shaky breath and closes his eyes. It always helps when Hide is here. Kaneki touches his left cheekbone, feeling the throbbing subside.

 

“Yeah.”

 


End file.
